Who appreciates you?
“Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival- to be understood, to be validated, to be appreciated”
Who doesn’t want to be appreciated for all that they do? Be they the office junior to the boss, the student to the teacher, the parent to the child, the romantic partnership. We all need to feel that the work we do is in some way appreciated. When we feel that the appreciation is missing and is replaced with feelings of being taken for granted, our willingness to be help and support may be somewhat reduced. It is not always for the reward, but there has to some payback, monetary or otherwise, for our desire to function at a healthy level, or it is diminished.
A survey from Psychmetrics found that “When asked what leaders could do more of to improve engagement, 58% of respondents replied “give recognition”. Another survey from Socialcast found that “69% of employees would work harder if they felt their efforts were better appreciated”.
Employment roles in my past that were demanding, physically and mentally, meant that my psychological survival wasn’t met. There were times that I did not feel understood, validated or appreciated. In most cases when there is such discourse and incongruence, it is harder to continue in those positions.
Oftentimes, we look within and wonder what we did wrong or that if we thought differently, then we could make it easier on ourselves. We question why others can accept conditions that we find intolerable.
Are we expecting too much?
Isn’t life supposed to be tough?
Aren’t you supposed to tolerate your job five days a week and solely live for the weekends and holidays?
But wait, what if the reward is not until the end of your career, retirement, that’s when it all gets fun?
For me, I didn’t want to wait that long, I want to live NOW. Mid-pandemic in my little office, frozen peas on my dodgy knee listening to baroque music (apparently it helps allow the creative juices to flow), whilst my robot vacuum cleaner attacks all the cables and gets wedged under the cooker for the 50th time (I hear it’s little warning beep to say it is stuck AGAIN.).
So whilst I sit here in appreciation for the little things, I start to think about our own appreciation of ourselves. Internal validation suffices to bolster our confidence for some tasks, telling us we did a good job whether that be making the bed, putting the bins out (a job I can’t be trusted with according to my eldest daughter and neighbour), or being a good parent.
I am sure I am not alone when I look at myself in the mirror, or on the scales (particularly post-Christmas, when a month without doing cardio and a lockdown have made the number bigger), or at my bank account, and feel a sense of loathing, comparing myself to those who:
Can walk without a hobble
Can jump around to Joe Wicks
Have well-paid jobs
Do Instagram videos with such confidence and finesse
Talk confidently in a podcast
Can fit into jeans that they just bought on Ebay
I know our repeated thoughts create our belief systems which in turn, create our reality. I also know about Neuroplasticity and how it is possible to change our negative thoughts to positive ones and build new pathways.
So why don’t we always go for the positive?
Our brains are hard wired to the negative, the fight-or-flight mode: practiced habits, internal negative dialogue, comparing ourselves to others who have reached levels of knowledge and success in their field that we feel we can only dream off.
What if we made a conscious effort to appreciate ourselves more, what harm could it do? It might take some time to get used to, performing the habit more naturally would take time but the rewards would be amazing. Building up our mental gym.
My suggestions for the future would be to take 2 or 3 areas in your life with which you feel less than satisfied, and start to appreciate them. These areas might include weight, skin, health, fitness, eating habits, personality, work ethic, and/or commitment to self improvement.
For example, whilst I may not have all the clients I want,
I appreciate that:
*I am a good person
*I am making new friends and building relationships daily
*I am well intentioned in my actions to help and support others through coaching and home organisation.
*I study and learn new concepts and theories every day
*I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone all the time.
So why not give it a try?! What two or three areas could you appreciate and start to love more? Begin gently and slowly, the results will be worth it.
If you would like any more support or help in this area, please get in touch as I would love to hear from you. Please click here
With love and gratitude,
Siân
